My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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