You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
