I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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