In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
