it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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