oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize