Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
