1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
