i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
