I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
