So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
