There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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