we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
