everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
