dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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