omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
