If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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