your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize