I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
