dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
