the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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