It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
pray to the hookup gods
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
