I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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