You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
