I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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