my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
