rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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