i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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