i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
