My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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