First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
