Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
