how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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