meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
