so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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