I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
