watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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