I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
