I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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