Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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