I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
