I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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