Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
