She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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