oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just found puke in my bra..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
