I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
