Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
