I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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