Where did you get a picture of my penis
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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