I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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