we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
