I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
