Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
