The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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