Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
