I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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