Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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