I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
