is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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