THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize