Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
