My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
