i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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