A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
