Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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