We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
