An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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