So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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