It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
