I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize