Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
