margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
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