I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
