I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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