i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
