I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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