Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
