after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
