they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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